Hi there, I’m up here. Please stop stroking my dog.
This story begins like so many others. I’m walking down the street, with dog on lead, in hand, not only keeping Gambit moving forward but glancing paces ahead for bus stops, sign posts, poles, and other debris to protect my blind-ish dog from himself. On the list of what to avoid, and/or swerve past - the occasional [or more frequent] broken glass shards, vom-bomb-bombs and other excrements that are sadly all too regularly present on these here city streets.
Then I see it, that inevitable guy 100 paces ahead. Already in position, squatting center of the pavement, he’s eyeballing my dog, that greedy, hungry, narrow-focused gaze blasting at us. I know what he’s going to do before he even does, and I know how I’m going to react.
That’s the worst - or best - part of it.
I know that in about 5 seconds another human being is going to reach out at us and just start stroking my dog. They will do so without in any way acknowledging my presence. They will do so insistently, impassively, obstructing my journey. They will do so unapologetically. And, should I say something, they will do so combatively toward, of all people, the legal owner and caretaker of said dog.
Still blows my mind sometimes.
At this point really there’s so many re-actions to choose from: yelling to simply swerving around them - I generally find myself of late falling on the passive aggressive response as if they are actually talking to me and not rather my dog [who knows all of 150 words of English… TOTAL], completely ignoring my entire presence.
“Oh, aren’t you adorable?” Me - Why thanks I’ve been working out.
“Look at that face, I could just pet you all day!’ Me - oh well then, should I buy you a drink first, at least?
My husband likes to take a more physical approach, and in turn strokes back these folks who have decided that our dog is now public property. I mean if you can just reach out and grab at my dog, why should you not expect the same?
And yes, no questioning that the above can be humorous, but I find it both highly unnerving, disrespectful and irresponsible behaviour on a number of fronts. Especially when dealing with it on a daily basis, sometimes thrice or more on a late Friday/Saturday night in Shoreditch. You get my drift.
For instance, have you considered any of the following:
What if the dog is skittish, bites, or has a skin disease of some sort?
What if the owner is in a rush or not paying attention, or is themselves skittish?
What if your mother ever taught you not to just reach out and grab whatever you want?
What if you just asked first?
It seems a small thing, but I can’t tell you how many times on every walk that I get intercepted, interrupted and inconvenienced while trying to enjoy some alone time with my dog.
What about me? I’ve had a long day at the office, I just want to meander with the little fur ball and take in the outdoors. But instead I find myself constantly on edge, waiting for the next millennial miscreant or haphazard housewife with no filter to reach out like my great grandma Cardella with her eye-tie, sausage-width fingers, grabbing for my cheeks and saying “kiss a-mia, kiss-a mia.”
Ahhhhhh!
I mean yes, I’m walking with the living equivalent of a Teddy Ruxpin on all fours, who doesn’t bark, and I think amplifies in cuteness from every human stroke. No denying it. That said, he’s mine dammit, just acknowledge me for 5 seconds, ask for an introduction and then go ahead and stroke away. I don’t care. I love that he’s loved, but do it respectfully.
This goes for babies as well. I have a lot of friends and family falling under recent mom-hood and let me tell you, they don’t appreciate it either. They love that you love their child and want to hold them, or lovingly touch the belly while they’re still in it. But you gotta ask first.
J-F-Y-I in a legal sense, under the right circumstances, not doing so, and entering into contact without asking permission beforehand can in some cases be construed as assault. So just nibble on that before you go at it, whole hand.
There’s other legal implications as well, what if my dog gets spooked and bites? I mean really it’s Gambit, he’ll sooner lick you lovingly to death and with equal love eat the corpse following, than he would snap. But he’s getting older and that can change. I’m certainly not going to be held legally culpable because you decided that manners weren’t in the mix today.
Ok, I sound like a nasty B after all of this, but I am telling you, ‘I truly love that people love my dog and want to bestow such momentary affections upon him. Just do so with some tact and restraint. I’m but three feet above him. Just say hello. I promise that I will not bite. Well, maybe. ;)